Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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