i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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