The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
