i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
