I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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