why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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