she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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