Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In America we eat man semen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
