just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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