it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
