Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
