i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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