MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
