I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
