Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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