god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
