One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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