make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
