Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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