That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
