There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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