You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
