I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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