Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
