what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
