if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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