Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
