it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's shark week go big or go home
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
