I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
