I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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