a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
