Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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