somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
