I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize