I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
tell me about the eggs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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