I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Shame is for Republicans.
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