the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
