I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
