We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
