can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
