I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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