I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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