I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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