i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
