dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I skipped work to stalk him.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
