I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
