Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
