it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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