just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
