He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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