I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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