gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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