Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
