oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
