Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
