Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
