didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
