What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
