It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
