ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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