they need to just BURY HIM!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
