dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
