pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
