big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
