a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
