I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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