Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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