As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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