She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
