he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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