My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
