I can text with my tongue
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
