So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just tell him i said nine months
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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