Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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