If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
