Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
