when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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