I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
