I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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