Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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