It's Friday. Sex?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
